He realized that while he did feel better, more free without her, to tell him he wasn't good enough, that he was garbage and not worthwhile, while he was better alone then with her.He also realized that even though he'd enjoy all the adventures, the friends and family he had,the experiences he'd gain while he was happy for all that, there would still be a piece missing from him, A hole he knew was impossible for him to fill as he knew there was no one who could handle his type of crazy and because of that he'd always be alone.
So, instead he decided to give of himself completely to others knowing that he could never himself hope for true happiness,he sought to give what he lacked to everyone around him.
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